Basil Experiment
An aspiring musician, his temporary side-job took over his life. He's currently a mildly corrupt congressman who dreams of starting over, but realizes it's far too late.

Basil was reluctantly married to Hannah. They have four daughters--Lyric, Coda, Aria, and Allegra--and a son, Ballad. This happy family unit recently disintergrated, and Basil's current location is unknown.

Hannah Experiment
The homemaker and baby factory of the Experiment family, Hannah likes to pass her time painting, cooking complicated meals, and being gravid. Her special abilities include denying the obvious and pleasant small-talk.

Hannah was married to Basil. Her five children are Lyric, Coda, Aria, Allegra, and Ballad. She recently displayed a shocking amount of backbone when she caught Basil cheating red-handed, and threw him out of the house. She currently supports her children on her income as a painter.

 

Lyric Experiment
The eldest Experiment child. Lyric's turn-ons include expensive jewelry, famous people she can sit next to, people who enjoy hearing about the famous people she's sat next to, and seven-figure bank accounts. Turn-offs include work, clingy exs, and the repo man.

     

Coda Experiment
The second-oldest Experiment child, Coda is the first member of her family to be college-educated. She currently lives with her fiancée, the former Lilith Pleasant, who she first met as a teenager. Her father, Basil, seems oddly oblivious to the nature of their relationship. Probably the least odious Experiment.

 

Aria Experiment
The criminally-neglected middle Experiment child. Totally superfluous, since Basil and Hannah were at this point hoping for a son, and as a result, largely ignored. The "girlfriend" of neighborhood pervert, Kennedy Cox. Teen mother of the utterly doomed Millionaire Sexy.

 

Allegra Experiment
The youngest Experiment daughter, the last in a string of GOTTA HAVE A SON side-effects. Growing quite touchy and bitter as a result of current family circumstances, being forced to shoulder the responsibility of a bully-magnet little brother and slutcake older sister, along with being the salesperson for her mother's paintings.

   

Ballad Experiment
The first male Experiment child, who is, as a result of his gender, doted on religiously by his father. He seems to be the... gentler sort, preferring frilly dresses and make-up to sports and Cops N' Robbers.

   

Lilith Experiment
Formerly Lilith Pleasant, Lilith Experiment now lives with her fiancee, Coda, just a block or so from her disowned family. She's trying really, really hard to stick with this lesbian thing. She recently graduated with honors from college, although Coda did most of her homework for her.

Mortimer Experiment
Formerly Mortimer Goth, now engaged to Lyric Experiment. A decrepit and hateful old loon drowning in his own filthy, aging lucre, he was snatched away from his family by Lyric.

Millionaire Sexy Experiment
Aria's illegitimate son by Kennedy Cox. Someone should... well, probably take him away from her before it's too late.

Mary Sue Pleasant
The heavily medicated and counseled mother of the Pleasant family, who manages to spout New Age affirmations of love and devotion and drive her family off screaming with her fits of unbridled rage at the exact same time. Cheated on her husband with Basil Experiment for reasons she can't rightly explain, even to herself. She and Daniel Pleasant are now divorced.

 

Daniel Pleasant
The ex-husband on Mary Sue Pleasant. Father of the twins, Angela and Lilith. Porker of Kaylynn, the former maid and current shack-up. Currently convinced that he is the wielder of considerable supernatural powers, after saving Kaylynn from the grip of the Grim Reaper.

Angela Pleasant
The good, easily deluded daughter of the Pleasant family, who seems to be lagging behind her sister chronologically despite the fact that they're twins. Oops.

Kaylynn Pleasant
Pleasant family homewrecker. The former maid, she now has a firm grip on Daniel and sashays around the house in Mary Sue's evening gowns and jewelry. Also the subject of a mysterious near-death experience, which has convinced Daniel he has supernatural powers.

Namrata Yadav
A prostitute from Mumbai, the biological mother of the sickly and misshapen Hanuman Yadav. She is taking full advantage of the slanted charity of Daniel Pleasant, much to the irritation of Kaylynn.

Manju Yadav
A former Mumbai prostitute, taken in by Swami Daniel as part of his imagined Holy Family. A bit of a thief and a dedicated truant.

Hanuman Yadav
The grotesquely deformed, adopted son of Swami Daniel, imported from an Indian brothel to serve as the child-god for Daniel's bizarre new faith.

Cassandra Goth
Lyric's melodramatic, obnoxious former girlfriend, she currently looks after her little brother, Alexander, and lives in the ugly little house they all once shared. Has not yet come quite to terms with being discarded by Lyric for her father.

 

Alexander Goth
Brother of Cassandra, son of Mortimer. The excitable type. Survivor, along witth Cassandra, of a botched murder attempt by Lyric, which his sister refuses to acknowledge the nature of. Cries a lot. Currently an insufferable scenester, and prime suspect in numerous cases of unprovoked poetry.

Stone Child Singleton
The oddly-named neighbor of the newly-impoverished Angela and Mary Sue Pleasant, who lives susupiciously well without any visible means of support and has an unhealthy interest in teenaged girls.

Fairybutter RayvynFyre
Irretrieveably consumed by an internal fantasy world of self-aggrandizing daydreams and superhuman narcissism, Fairybutter RayvynFyre spends her days playing dress-up, primping in front of mirrors, and insisting that she's a princess or queen. Her gaudy, pink existence is supported by her husband, Floyd. Completely divorced from reality, Fairy's grand opinion of herself is rather thoroughly contradicted by the meaningless, superficial, and buffoonish manner in which she conducts her life.

Floyd RayvynFyre
Fairybutter's completely unsettling husband, a former jailbird and current sociopath. What she sees in him, other than a means of reliable financial support, is less than clear, although she speaks of him in ridiculously glowing terms.

Kennedy Cox
Friend of the Experiment family, irredeemable sexual predator.