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May 18, 2004

The Unspeakable Horror of Exotic Oils.

With Beavis curing under a few pounds of natron, it's probably time to start getting together everything I'll need for the final steps of the mummification. That includes a few essential oils.

Left to right: A gallon bucket of palm oil, camphor oil, cedar oil, cassia oil, myrrh oil, frankincense oil.

If anyone has any tips about the practical uses of palm oil, let me know. I'll probably have three quarters of a gallon on my hands when this is over with.

I was expecting a battle, but the oils were actually pretty easy to find, thanks to the amount of faith put into aromatherapy these days. They're generally sold by the dram. One dram is 1/8th of an ounce, or 120 drops. I got me lotsa drams.

You can find essential oils for as much as $175.00 a bottle in specialty stores for people with more patchouli than brains, or as little as $1.79 on eBay. Pays to comparison shop. I went with Camden-Grey Essential Oils, a little home business I Googled up online. No complaints, except for that whole we-only-sell-palm-oil-by-the-gallon thing.

This stuff will be used to anoint Beavis's skin, fur, body cavity, and bandages, although a surprisng number of hippie quacks think I should be huffing it like kerosene and model glue for its nebulous, staggeringly unlikely health benefits. I'll admit that the stuff's antiseptic, fungicidal and insecticidal; mummies got the dunk for a reason. But I'll wait for the FDA to rule before I consider frankincense a "uterine tonic."

From the people that brought you colloidal silver and homeopathic dilution: VAGINAL OIL SNUFFLING.

"How can I tell if my uterus can smell it from here, Guru Sunflower? Maybe I need a speculum... do they come in hemp?"

Posted by Spike at May 18, 2004 07:22 PM

Comments

If you don't recognize "colloidal silver" and "homeopathic dilution", folks, go ahead and Google them. Do this, and be ASTONISHED.

Posted by Matt at May 18, 2004 08:12 PM
68.20.37.138

Palm Oil Links:

Food uses:
http://www.mpopc.org.my/abtnfu.htm

Non-food uses:
http://www.mpopc.org.my/abtnnfu.htm

I'm sure you can find something to do with the stuff. You know, other than coating public toilet seats with it.

Posted by Lisa Jonte at May 18, 2004 10:15 PM
69.42.3.13

Ah, Colloidal Silver.

I remember seeing something in the news fairly recently about a guy running for Congress who managed to turn himself blue by drinking colloidal silver. He lost, thankfully. We don't need more clueless idiots in Congress.

Posted by Rich at May 19, 2004 01:35 PM
141.151.87.150

How about Stan Jones, who decided to make hisself some silver drink (sometimes reported as colloidal silver) as an antibiotic substitute (because he was that concerned about Y2K antibiotic shortages) and turned himself blue?

WTG, Libertarian dude!

I love how proponents and pushers of colloidal silver supplements all say that THIERS is the one that won't fuck you up.

Posted by Lea at May 19, 2004 01:36 PM
24.167.107.62

I'm always a ittle disappointed by the faith people are willing to put into unscientific medicine. I can udnerstand the desperation of the terminally ill when they clamor to see faith-healers and such, but otherwise sane and reasonable people falling for these scams is just depressing.

Posted by spike at May 22, 2004 03:51 AM
68.20.29.66

Most people like thinking that science can be one-upped, for the same reason we like to root for the underdog. There may be no evidense whatsoever, and mountains of proven facts might suggest otherwise, but gosh-darn-it, FAIRIES ARE REAL MY MOM'S UNCLE'S FRIEND SAW ONE SO THERE!!!

Other people are just stupid...

Posted by spookable at May 22, 2004 11:40 AM
172.132.56.227

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