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September 29, 2004

You!, Yes, You! With the THING! I DARE You to Take the Mary-Sue Challenge!

You know what a Mary-Sue is, right?

Well, ya should. And there's a lot I could say about 'em, but I won't bother. Let's just remember the important thing: they suck. They're masturbatory, obnoxious, and worst of all, they're no fun to read.

Well, no fun for anyone but the author.

And possibly the author's giggling cheerleader fan-horde.

And, uh, the occasional atrocity tourist what drops in for a laugh.

But this is getting more complicated than it needs to be, so back to Mary-Sues just plain sucking, okay? Hang on to that. Them sucking. Them sucking hard.

Got it? Super. Here.

Interestingly enough, this is probably the first time I've ever seen anyone apply the rules of Sueism to original fiction. And whaddya know, they work pretty good.

So take it, already. C'mon. C'mon c'mon c'mon. Doesn't hurt or nuthin'. Look, I'll even go first!

Lucas, from Lucas and Odessa: 3 points. Surly bastard came in first, good for him.

He's not in his twenties. He's not cute. And he's not really very good at anything. SCORE. He does play the violin, but he ended up losing most of his Sue-points for chain-smoking and drinking. Lucky! Except, uh, kind of not.

Odessa, from Lucas and Odessa: 6 points. Odessa lost Sue-points, too, mostly for being fat. But not enough. She's an appalling teenaged angst-bomb. You can't really make up for that. But hey, at least she doesn't have lavender eyes or amnesia.

Maira, from Sparkneedle: 13 points. Horrifying. At first, it looked like she was neck-and-neck with Lucas, and even pulled ahead halfway through.
Fat, ugly, generally unpleasant, it was in the bag. But she never really recovered after the ten-point OMG I HAV WINGZ penalty. Crap.

...

I REGRET NOTHING.

Posted by Spike at September 29, 2004 01:18 AM

Comments

Done. See ROCR's Mary Sue test. (click on my name). Core cast only, for now.

Posted by Reinder at September 29, 2004 06:32 AM
213.10.125.93

Whew! Jayne is a Non-Sue! She'd have been an Anti-Sue if I hadn't gone and given her my own middle name. (20 points, ouch!)

It was just a convenience I tells ya! Just a convenience!

Posted by Lisa Jonte at September 29, 2004 11:35 AM
69.42.3.13

Go on, tell us more! Where's your rundown of the results?

Posted by Reinder at September 29, 2004 11:38 AM
82.74.252.143

Hold it right there. Lucas IS cute. I'd totally hit it.

Posted by Nina at September 29, 2004 01:28 PM
200.155.205.93

Phew. The main character in my first novel ranked up only 19 points.

I'll need to be careful.

Posted by Rich at September 29, 2004 06:23 PM
141.151.95.107

Seeing as how most of what I do lately is autobiography... I'm guessing Sue wouldn't apply... now, write me up an Arrogant Bastard test...

Posted by Spookable at September 29, 2004 07:47 PM
172.148.187.106

i tried the test after Reinder challenged me. One of my characters scored an entire 10 points! What to do?

http://rocr.xepher.net/weblog/archives/000361.html

Posted by Adam Cuerden at October 1, 2004 03:49 AM
80.43.105.97

oh, there's a mildly brilliant editor at tor books who has found mary-sue terminology extremely useful and entertaining.

"A Mary Sue story is the literary equivalent of opening a package that you thought would be the new jacket you ordered on eBay, only it turns out to contain a poorly-constructed fairy princess costume made of some lurid and sleazy material. It’s tailored to fit a human-size Barbie doll, not you; and when you hold it up to the light, you can see the picked-out stitchmarks where someone else’s name used to be embroidered across the bodice. The dress has been used but not cleaned, and appears to have last been worn during a rather sloppy romantic interlude …"

http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/004188.html

the traces of sue-ism in my current project are still present, but fading. well, except for the really fun bits. i mean, really. who can resist?

Posted by sundre at October 1, 2004 09:57 PM
24.102.10.207

I took the test with a very old, prepare yourseleves, DBZ fan character. Yes. However, I am very proud that Io only scored a 15. She's surly, loud, obnoxious, brash, mean and thinks to highly of herself while others tend to thing she's annoying. Also, no where near as powerful as other fighters and not related to them either.

On a different note, Spike, I ordered a Naturalist Guide to Art School like, at least a week and a half ago, and still nothing. What's up?
~S~

Posted by S at October 2, 2004 01:00 AM
68.162.66.100

I dropped the last load of orders off at the post office this Friday. Included a few free things to make up for the wait. Sorry about ttha; I've been unusually busy, these past couple of weeks...

Posted by spike at October 2, 2004 04:06 AM
68.20.22.12

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