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March 30, 2008

Inspriation via Procrastination.

Someone ought to start a school for women in a major metropolis, geared towards training them how to mingle in celebrity circles with the ultimate goal of becoming arm candy/a financial burden to a powerful man.

I'm serious. The thing is so many chicks want this (and only this) out of life anyway, it would probably be a profitable scheme.

The school's fields of study could be divided into subsets about how to land a specific type of walking wallet... rock star, foreign royalty, film star, investment banker, and so on... with short, one-day classes about the advantages and pitfalls of each.

Basic classes would be stuff like

Stealing Him From His Wife
If All Else Fails, Get Knocked Up for the Child Support
So the Media's Noticed: Capitalizing on Unexpected Temporary Fame
"I'm on the list!": Getting Where the Boys Are
Marriages or Mistress: Which is Right for your Relationship?
Fat White Envelopes: What to do with The Cash He's Giving You
Pouting, Crying and Mom's Operation: Getting Him to Write Those Checks
A Pre-Nup Means You Don't Love Me!
10 Things Women Do Than Screw Up Great Catches

And so on. The approach would be mercenary, Machiavellian and direct. It wouldn't be about love, it would be about a life plan that centered around squeezing as much money out of wealthy men as possible before the age of 35, with the assumption he'll lose interest after the first wrinkles.

Hm. Maybe this would make a better forgettable Hollywood movie than an actual school.

Comics tomorrow.

Posted by Spike at March 30, 2008 06:17 PM

Comments

As a movie, that would fit nicely on USA channel twenty years ago.

Posted by Tone at March 30, 2008 10:12 PM
75.11.175.193

I think it's brilliant. They could advertise for it in magazines like Star, and OK!, and UsWeekly.

Posted by Kristin at March 30, 2008 10:22 PM
158.135.1.57

Miss Britney's Finishing School for Vapid Climbers

Posted by jeremiah at March 31, 2008 01:50 AM
74.69.83.25

Spike! You live!! *wants to give hug but doesn't want to seem like a creepy stalker* Yay for Templar updates!

Posted by Jala at March 31, 2008 07:12 AM
68.118.230.164

Forget USA - this could be a big-budget star-driven popcorn flick, enjoyable by dudes and ladies alike (and don't forget to bring the little Princesses). I see the school being owned and operated by Renee Zellwiger and Brittany Murphy, with Renee as the one who turns against the school's teachings because she found a guy to *really fall in love with.* Practically writes itself!

Posted by Anomie at March 31, 2008 08:36 AM
69.151.63.44

Perfect. Add Hugh Grant, or Colin Firth to that mix and set it in England. Romantic Comedy gold....or too much like Bridget Jones..hmmm...

Posted by Kristin at March 31, 2008 10:25 AM
158.135.1.92

Actually, truth beat you, kind of...

First, there's a video game of the same theme, aimed at tween girls. They get to be gold diggers, who get better clothes, nose jobs, breast enhancement, etc. to get more money from "Sugar Daddy's" and keep getting more enhancement...

And...

There's a marketed "Pole Dancer" kit. A fun gag for adult women, perhaps a serious one given modern morals and college costs... However, it keeps getting people to raise Cain because it keeps turning up, online and in the stores, in the "Tween" section.

Posted by Ben at April 1, 2008 12:28 AM
75.175.132.186

Well, in our culture it's not exactly a quantum leap from Princess Ariel to Princess Lapdance.

Posted by Anomie at April 1, 2008 07:09 PM
69.151.63.44

The suggestion reminds me of that famous Craig's List posting where one woman was asking where all the rich guys were to be found, and a soi-disant rich investment replied, saying that a woman like her was a poor investment, as her assets devaluated every year. I think if you google 'What am I doing wrong?' or 'Where do you rich guys hang out' and Craig's list, you'll find it. Hoax or not (Snopes can't quite decide), it's a good read

Posted by Snowpea at April 8, 2008 07:20 PM
24.203.203.65

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