Spike's Cartoons and Whinging

Music Appreciation: Clutch - Big News III.

Halloween is tomorrow, and there's this whole movie-inspired pirate meme going around lately. So this seems especially appropriate.

Clutch - Big News III

An unreleased track from the Elephant Riders sessions, Big News III is, naturally, the follow-up to Big News and Big News II, also about sailors contending with the supernatural. Initially, harpies and Jonah, fresh from the whale. Then, mermen and characters from Star Wars. It was just kinda a matter of time until they got to the vengeful living dead.

Warning: Rampant waste of human life and sperm whale oil, cannibalism, adultery, angry oceans and equally angry dead men. 4.7 MB download, so-so quality.

Lyrics behind the cut. Enjoy.

Big News III

In the end the ocean has its revenge
Whether tomorrow or 100 years
It takes limbs and lives
And from the wives an equal ocean of their fallen tears

OpenCanvas > Painter.

I hate Painter.

I do. I really do. But I didn't realize how much I hated it until I got openCanvas.

For over a year, I've been trying to teach myself to paint digitally with Painter. No dice, on account I tend to be pretty easily discouraged when programs crash, corrupt the save files, and destroy eight or ten hours of work randomly. I'm pretty goddamned pleased to say I won't need to worry about that anymore.

Lea recently recommended oC to me after I mentioned I was drawing on oekaki boards, so I found a copy and tried it out. Blessed, blessed simplicity. It's a little like Painter Lite. I knocked this out in about two or three hours, and I'm pretty sure it only took that long because I have no idea what I'm doing.

So yeah, Go oC go. Gets the Spike seal of approval, as little as that may mean. If Painter's frustrating you as much as it frustrated me, try oC out. Very zen.

New Lucas and Odessa up at GAM.

Read it, or you'll hurt my feelings.

My birthday is on November 18th.

You know what you have to do.

Iron Circus Blog! Now Featured on Livejournal! Shoot Me, Please!

Okay, folks. I think I may be on to something here.

Dylan Just asked me to set up a RSS feed so she could syndicate my blog on her LJ friends page, which I didn't know was possible. Nevertheless, I think I've figured it out.

Those of you with Livejournals can stick a self-updating link to this nonsense on your own friends pages by linking to this blog's syndication feed at http://www.ironcircus.com/feed.xml. To figure out where to put that link, you can read this.

Or, you can just friend the feed account called "ironspike."

This is nice. I didn't really want the bother of both a Blog and an LJ when I'd just be cutting and pasting the same content into both, or completely be ignoring one in favor of the other. Hooray.

Based on a True Story.

Not mine. But it's still true.

Some things to consider.

• The Internet does not run on fairy dust, elfin magic, and the hopes and dreams of children. The Internet runs on bandwidth.

• Gnomes do not sneak into my house at night and leave me bundles of bandwidth under my pillow. I buy my bandwidth from an ISP.

• ISPs do not accept wishes, everlasting gratitude, or magic beans in exchange for their bandwidth. They want money.

If you play video games and download third party add-ons, whoever constructed them has every right to ask you to pay for them. They don't have to, but they can. If that annoys you, you are an idiot.

If you read magazines or newspapers online and want to find a specific article you saw three weeks ago, It's perfectly reasonable to think the newspaper might ask you for a small payment in exchange for the report. It doesn't have to, but it can. If that annoys you, you are an idiot.

And yes, if you read webcomics and want access to the archives, the artist is not out of line if they ask to be reimbursed for the hours of work they put into drawing the comics. They don't have to, but they can. If that annoys you, you are an idiot.

Of course, you don't have to pay for any of that. Plenty of sites are giving it away for free, you can go there. And if you're going to be offended by the prospect of paying for information you would happily shell out three times as much for if it were printed on paper or came in an embossed cardboard box, I encourage you to do so.

Please.

Because your whining makes me want to kill you.

Atrocity Tourism: 60X1.

Uh.... Yeah.

Anti-American webpages ain't exactly tough to come across in these days of unjustified invasions and unelected presidents, but... well... I've never seen Jesus in an American flag jockstrap cradling a missile while Dubya and Cheney wave from the sunroof of a Christian Humvee and provide the savior with the occassional fill-up of crude oil presented as an argument against the occupation of Iraq.

It's more convincing than it sounds. I suspect I was swayed by the Engrish tooltips.

Oh, and since I know no one still checks the update box: New drawing in the Sketchbook. Whee.

Scribble scribble scribble XI.

Thought I fergot, din'cha?

This is Bo.

Bo's a frat boy without the benefit of a fraternity; a breed of sunburnt bumpkin rarely seen in cities of Templar's size and relative sophistication. He moved to the city from Oklahoma and founded a metal band with hometown friends, Lockjaw... which he promptly left for the more successful Abide to increase his cash flow. "Bad blood" doesn't even begin to describe the ensuing shitstorm, but that's Bo for you.

Formally the alpha male of his own group, Bo's a lot like his mutt, Looney Boy; stubborn, untrainable, loudmouthed, and difficult to control, but ultimately too stupid to do any real harm. Still, he has the dubious distinction of being the only person Gene has ever physically attacked. Ever. Exactly who won, who lost, and whether it really counted as a fight or not is still up for debate.... but everyone pretty much agrees the bastard had it coming. They woulda voted his ass out ages ago if he weren't such a damn good drummer. But life isn't always easy, is it?

Bo has an uneasy truce with Gene, and knows Ben, Scip, Sonny, Reagan, Zora, and Lorne. He doesn't know the Elliots. And Bloom has too much self-respect to even sell the ditchweed Bo smokes.

All in all, a very minor character. But I like him. I dunno why.

The State of The Union: October 15th, 2003.

As much for my benefit as it is for yours, really. I have to get everything straight. Writing it out helps.

Current Projects

• Lucas and Odessa, for Girlamatic. Once a week, every week, until it's done.
  
• Sparkneedle, for Girlamatic. Already finished, in a holding pattern.
  
• Gazelle. Stupid fucking comic for this site that I refuse to take responsibility for. Coming along, should be finished before the weekend. There, I've ruined the surprise.
  
• Templar, another comic for this site. Weekly, like Sparkneedle. Multichaptered and drawn as we go, like Lucas and Odessa. Black and white, like Gazelle. A personal comic I've been needing to do for ages and ages. I plan on uploading each chapter page by page, then BitPassing completed past chapters. It's safely out of "idle talk" phase, with a handful of pages already finished. But I'll like to get a nice, two-month buffer in before I post anything. Since this comic will be (initially) free, it'll be the first to suffer if I ever fall behind. But rest assured, It won't be abandoned. It's too personal. This comic stars those notorious "had-em-since-I-was-twelve!" characters most cartoonists maintain.
  
• Holiday card, for whoever wants one. Sketched out. I'll probably do the final next week. Then, I've got to find a printer. (Currently taking suggestions...?) I'd like to get this done before the rush.
  

Second Tier Stuff

• I'll be illustrating a chapter or two for another BadAzzMoFo project for m'buddy Dave Walker. Not sure how much I can say about it, so we'll leave it at that. Can't do much until I get the scripts in January or thereabouts, though.
  
• RPG book illustrations. Former side job, active again without warning, really ought to get on top of it. Actively ashamed how long this is taking me, especially considering the people involved are actually paying decent rates.
  
• Collaboration with a really nice guy, Charles, on a really freaky comic book. Again, waiting on script completion before this goes ahead. Charles worked on the first draft of Brazil, so you can kind of imagine what this thing is like.
  
• Fan Art for Dirk, Derek, Zack, and Lisa. I will get to this, I will get to this, I WILL.
  
• The Exquisite Corpse. Round-robin comic project. Slow moving, but beautiful results. Think I might have to sit out the next round, though, or at the very least, go last. It'll all eventually be a book or BitPassed webcomic.
  

Backburner Territory

• BLIKADA, The Atrocity Buddies, Ordinary, Al & Gideon, Wreckers, Anything, Inc., Creation Myth, and the other goddamn ideas I've had for other comics. I'm not saying they'll never get done, but no one should go on a hunger strike, mmkay?
  
• The Freak Portfolio. I've just got too much going on right now. It can wait, other things can't. You know how it is.
  
• Learning to paint. Slowly. Slooooowly. And finally...
  
• Re-opening freelance. Maybe, when things slow down. But again, not anytime soon.
  

Sorry. Had to do this. MY HEAD IS VERY FULL.

Music Depreciation: Lil' Markie.

Jesus H. Christ.

"Lil' Markie," the alter-ego of devoted Christian and equally devoted slobbering psychopath Mark Fox, appears on no less than ten fiendish instruments of Inquistional torture albums promoting fundamentalist Christian values. Markie's described as a child, and there's some attempt to make him sound like a child, although Fox's drastically altered voice makes Markie come off a little more like a lisping mongoloid sucking on a helium tank.

I guess that's supposed to be endearing.

"Diary of an Unborn Child" is Mark's magnum opus. It's a four minute, twenty-seven second Trail of Tears chronicling a fetus's conception, three months of growth, and termination ... a termination that honestly comes as a welcome relief from Markie's glottal nose-whistling about how I AM A REAL PERSON WITH FEELINGS AND TOENAILS AND I LOVE FLOWERS. A relief, that is, until the freshly vaccumed wad of tissue, described as a cute-as-a-button Aryan poster boy who wanted ever so much to be named Andy, starts to sing.

Lil' Markie - Diary of an Unborn Child

Ultimately, I think this song's meant to discourage abortions. Which is interesting, because after listening to the forced sobs near the end of the track, I scheduled four abortions for the next morning, and a follow-up uterus-scraping just to safe.

Lyrics to the sung portion, if they could be called that, below the cut. Enjoy, if possible.

Why did you kill me, mommy
When God made me special for you?
I really wanted to see you
And put my little arms around you.
Why did you kill me, mommy
Because I thought you really cared for me.
And I wonder what I would have grown up to be?
I guess I’ll never know, 'cause mommy, you killed me.

Good News!

I know what's goin' on my Christmas card.

FESTIVE.

GOOD MORNING, CARNAGE.

Do you have any idea how fast you've got to be going to overturn an SUV?

Neither do I. But I betcha it's pretty fuckin' fast. Or maybe not, higher center of gravity. But still, in a sedan? Gee whiz.

The Intersections of Woe never disappoint. Anyone who's been reading this site for a while probably already knows about how prone the street outside my apartment building is to car wrecks, but I usually just snap these sorts of pictures from the window. This one was actually worth hopping out of bed, getting dressed, and going downstairs to rubberneck for.

I didn't get any shots of the bleeding guy they hauled out of the sedan, the Starbucks counter girl acting as an impromptu traffic cop, or the two towtruck guys arguing over who got there first, each in his own exotic accent. So you'll have to imagine all that.

Strangely enough, the chick in the SUV was perfectly all right; She crawled out of the sunroof after the crash. I guess those things really are tanks. The EMTs made her put on a neck brace and lie on a gurney anyway, but you could see they had to talk her into it.

So not only do I have a blog...

...but now, I'm posting OEKAKI PICTURES in it. Somebody crown me Empress of the Retarded Internet Cliches, kthnx. Or do I have to start posting Doll Palace graphics of myself wearing a prom dress and faerie/fairy/faery wings before I can claim my throne?

Anyway, these suck. I'm not going to try to defend them, because they don't deserve it. But they're the first three Oekaki drawings I've ever done in my entire fucking life, so they're allowed to be terrible.

From top to bottom: A crappy Drimmer, a crappy Maira with a crappy baby Drimmer, and a crappy demon a la Saint Sebastian, sans arrows.

I'm doing this because Painter is just too complex for me, right now. Baby steps. Still, I wish that PaintBBS had some way of allowing me to draw an antialiased opaque line.

I won't subject you to any more if I continue to suck this badly, but I'll try to post any decent drawings I do. I'm requiring one of these a day from myself. It's time I learned to paint.

Housekeeping.

Before I do anything else, I wanna thank everyone who's reading Lucas & Odessa over at Girlamatic. You guys have really surprised me, not only with your praise and the helpfulness of your comments, but by making L&O as popular as it is, and giving it so goddam many hits. It's still a mild shock, in a lot of ways, but a good one. Thanks for watching, I hope you're in it for the long haul.

And if you're reading L&O and enjoy the art, you might want to know I'll be posting a second comic on GAM in the coming weeks; Sparkneedle. It looks a lot like this.

It's much less straightforward than L&O, and much older, but I hope that doesn't discourage anyone. It's been shuffled back and forth a lot in the past couple years, and it's finally going to be shown, in the medium it was designed to take advantage of, in the coming days.

I'm not crazy about my art in Sparkneedle, but I feel it's some of the best coloring that Matt's ever done for one of my comics. I'm sure you'll agree.

New Lucas and Odessa!

And the drawing of Lucas in panel three is, in my humble opinion, the best ever. Click the banner. Click it, damn your eyes.

Also: To date, ALL orders from the online store have been shipped. If you don't receive your order in the coming days, email me and let me know you fell through the cracks.

Studio Tuesday.

No, I don't know why I like this site. But I do.

David Scheirer does cute little stick-figure cartoons, and neurotically obsessive watercolors of Chinese take-out detritus. Sites like this make me realize just how much I'm missing out on because I can never find the time to practice my painting.

And hell, I usually hate still lifes, because they're so completely devoid of creativity. But this guy just really makes you appreciate that duck sauce.

WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME GODDAMMIT

Oh.

Two varieties available!

And yes, I lied about updating yesterday. Mail me a punch in the face. I deserve it.

It's in a gallery. That means it's ART.

In case you find yerself in Urbana, IL in October, make sure to drop by the The Middle Room Gallery at the The Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center. They'll be having the first annual Midwest Sequential Art Exhibition for most of the month, starting October 11th. I'll have some art up in the show, along with Pam Bliss, Tim Broderick, Jacen Burrows, Darrin Drda, Brion Foulke, Hope Larson, Dann Tincher, Layla Lawler, and my main home-skillet Dirk Tiede. I'll be showing some Al & Gideon, Lucas & Odessa, Naturalist's Guide to Art School and other comic pages. Wish I could be there, but I am a being of asphalt and concrete and pubtrans, and Urbana's about two hours out of my way.

Tomorrow: Art. I promise. The "scribble x 3" series is rapidly reaching a conclusion, and you'll be glad when it does. Trust me.