Spike's Cartoons and Whinging

Templar: Twice in One Week!

A day late, yes, but better late than never, right? New page is here, as usual.

Poor Ben. He's so new is town, he doesn't know who to hate, yet.

Two Templar pages in one week, when I should be on vacation, like th' resta you mooks. I clearly have problems.

And, as always, thanks for the support, folks. It does make a difference.

OH MY GODDESS

The GODDESS KRING is going to be on SCANTV tonight at 10:30, PST, and for the first time, I GET TO WATCH HER. Internet, I LOVE you!

Finally, all that wacky Kring-ian self-absorption in one single half-hour push, instead of bits and pieces where I can grab 'em. Not that there aren't plenty of those. But hey, no more of the good word second hand, goddamn it. I'm goin' straight to the source. And I ain't talkin' about her livejournal.

Blah blah Tori Amos blah blah endless endless photos of me blah blah Is my nudity distracting you from my terrible dancing blah blah blah I WAS A RENEGADE SAMURAI IN A PAST LIFE blah.

I can't WAIT. Let's see if I can resist shooting myself fifteen minutes in!

Merry Christmas.

Here, I got you guys a bonus Templar page. Hope it fits.

I was gonna do a themed pin-up, but since the story advances so damn slowly in a weekly comic, I figured an extra page would be more appreciated.

I'll tone it tomorrow, since I'm tired and cranky right now and I just wanna watch my new Aeon Flux box set and eat my jellybeans and leaf through my new books in peace. But I hope you dig this all the same.

WHAT THE

WHERE DID MY IN-LAWS GET THEIR HANDS ON A SIGNED LIMITED EDITION JIM WOODRING PRINT

SIMULTANEOUSLY DEEPLY PERPLEXED AND DELIGHTED

BEST

CHRISTMAS

EVER

Atrocity Tourism: Heretics.

Imagine what a nice place the world would be if Christians stopped believing in Hell.

See, the theory goes like this:

You're already "saved." Y'know, by Jesus. That sacrifice of his applies to everyone: Screechy Pentacostals, daredevil snakehanders, Buddhist goatherds, Indian Hindus, Osama bin Laden, smart-ass atheist cartoonists, everyone.

Hell, the theory continues, is something you're already experiencing here on Earth, as anyone who's ever accidentally torn off a toenail or had a root canal could tell you. And upon death, everyone goes to Heaven. Everyone. Including all the people who never went to church in their lives, or went to the wrong church, or were too busy having sloppy, furious gay sex on a bed made entirely out of Bibles to go to church. Because God isn't a monster.

Crazy, huh?

Funny what happens when you take what amounts to Christianity's Big Stick out of its arsenal, though. I guess some people just don't like the idea that everything they disapprove of isn't in for a hard one upside the head after we all lose our 21 grams.

Case in point.

This American Life, the best radio show ever, recently ran an hour-long special concerning what happened when a reverend in Oklahoma stopped believing in Hell. SPOILER: Nothing very good.

It's an interesting listen. Give it a try. And I'll see you in HEAVEN, bitches.

Templar... But of Course.

Late as hell. But if it makes a difference at all, check back on Chrsitmas day, too. And that's all I'm gonna say.

If you don't know what a cavy is, ask Google. I hear they're pretty yummy.

And if you're digging the comic these days, don't forget: Scroll down for not one, but TWO ways to support the strip. Thanks!

WHO WANTS AN AWESOME T-SHIRT?

Too many goddamn times, people have seen the "Satan Worships Me" sticker I peddle at conventions and said, "Man, I wish that was on a t-shirt!"

All right then. You now, officially, have no excuse. You must give me your money.

I've signed on with Spreadshirt and opened a shop. And because it's what I do, I ordered myself a trial run of the design before I tried to sell it to you. Suffice to say this isn't a CafePress iron-on. This is a thing a beauty.

If this goes well, I'll probably add more designs to the shop. But for now, Iron Circus Concessions will remain Satan-centric, with hoodies, camisoles and tees available for your purchasing pleasure.

So what's the hold-up? BUY.

OhNoRobot!

So... if y'click over to Templar, Arizona today, you may notice a little addition to the bottom of each page.

I got Templar signed up with OhNoRobot, a new webcomics search engine. You click the button at the bottom of a page, transcribe the dialogue and maybe describe the scenery a little, and then submit the write-up to OhNoRobot. And then a random dude comes wandering along, and he searches ONR for, say, "undersized Asian newspaper writers," or "Eggo sandwich," or maybe "puppies in breast milk," and BOOM, Templar pops up.

Cool.

The big part of this is that it allows people to find a page where something specific is mentioned or happens. Maybe you're wondering "Which page was it in Webcomic X where Bill totally slaps Tom with a purple dildo?" Well, now you can just search that comic's name and "purple dildo" and you're there.

Neat idea. But I still don't feel like doing this myself. Which is another cool thing: You guys can submit transcriptions for me!

...

Y'know, if you want.

...

(Please somebody do this for me OH GOD SO LAZY)

Hey now! Templar Time!

Be kind. I skimped a little and drew the dog shit without photographic reference.

By the way, there are real dishes made of puppies and real dishes featuring human milk, out there. But as far as I know, they aren't served together. Shame about that.

And there's a new sketch in the sketchbook, too. Knock yerselves out.

And I would so totally eat at Xenophage.

Sparkneedle's Second Chapter Ends.

Now available at Girlamatic.

You're going to hate me for it, too.

Feel free to WTF. I expect no less.

Stay tuned for chapter three, "Become a Mountain," in the future. But rejoice, all you Lucas and Odessa fans; this means L+O will start updating again. Yay!

ARGH.

If anyone has, in living memory, ordered something from me and not received what they ordered, please email me at ironcircus at gee male dot com.

I thought I'd convinced my spam filter NOT to toss Paypal confirmation notices, but I was wrong.

I guess it's time to switch email addresses.

Fun Fact.

I'm now officially five-for-ten in my 2005 New Year's Dead Pool.

Not too shabby.

Just When You Thought it was Safe... PLAYING WITH DOLLS.

I still have serious reservations about calling this thing a comic, but hey, whatever. Click here, or manhandle the image below.

New Templar! Again!

...and this one's got lots of extracurricular fun I'm sure no one cares about. So let's just get it out of the way, shall we?

-- A real-life bagpipe/bucket boy duo did once perform in Harvard Square, Boston. I hear it actually worked startlingly well.

-- The bucket boy in panel one looks an awful lot like the opening act at the last Clutch show I went to, the very talented William Elliott Whitmore. That's only half on purpose. And you should probably buy his new CD.

-- All the dishes being mentioned are real. Some are regional specialties, one's a Roman emperor's favorite, and a couple were served only once for shock value.

-- Those guys in panel two are my favorite made-up subculture ever. I can't wait to get to them in more detail.

-- And I did not misspell "consumme."

Read it here. Have fun!

Templar, Arizona: One of the Best Online Comics of 2005.

Or so says Webcomics Examiner. In an article written by genuine strangers! No lie!

Read the rest of the list, too. Check out the company Benny and Ray are keeping, there! WOW.

Not bad for some dippy comic where the main character doesn't even leave his apartment for the first twenty-five pages!

Shriek with joy with me!

EDIT: HOLY PANTS, and Joey Manley plugged Templar in his latest Pulse article, too!

WHO WANTS TO HELP ME NAVIGATE MY FAT BLOATED HEAD THROUGH THE DOOR

Sparkneedle updated.

And this installment has my favorite panel so far. Click here and see.

Not much left to this chapter. Stay tuned.

Tis the Season.

Being the holidays and all, I have updated my Amazon Wish List.

I wish Amazon carried art supplies, too. But I guess y'can't have everything.

I also wish more people actually took the time to rank how much they wanted stuff on their own lists. Hint hint.

I am getting worse and worse at this.

Templar's updated. Click here to see.

Be kind. Architecture has always been a weak point of mine.

And yeah, that ad on the left in the second panel? It's for exactly what you think it's for.

Like I said, this is a different Arizona from the one you might be familiar with. In case the faceless Janus-Sphinx didn't tip you off.