Atrocity Tourism: August 2005 Archives

My neighbor, White Guy, was just escorted from the apartment he shared with his boyfriend, Black Guy, by four cops. Carrying a suitcase.

DRAAA MAAAA.

Now, it's been a while since the lock was changed, so I'm assuming he was escorted TO the apartment by the cops, too. Matt theorizes that it was to get the last of his belongings, and prevent the chore from becoming yet another tumble in the rough with his ex.

In any case, White Guy is gone, and it looks like he's staying gone.

Good. He was a shitbird.

Think I'll blast a little Saul Williams through the wall tonight, just to remember him by.

Happy trails, ya clown.

The doorknob's gone from Black Guy/White Guy's apartment door.

Titter.

This could mean a lot of things, a few of them pretty pedestrian. But consider this.

We live in a good-sized apartment building with one of those safety foyer deals. You have to open two doors, both locked, before you get to the elevator, and even then, you've got 14 floors to go through if you're just gonna go door-to-door and try every lock. Which means even if you lost your keys, it would make more sense just to get a new one from management.

Also, since these guys live together, it would take maybe ten minutes to go to the hardware store down the block and have a new key made from the other guy's. That's what Matt and I did when he moved in.

But that's not what's happening.

I'm sort of hoping someone threw a hideous fit and got kicked out. And I'm sort of hoping it's White Guy. He's a shit.

White Guy's the one who hit Black Guy and got the cops called on him a while back, and White Guy's the one who throws a great big tantrum every time we look in the general direction of the goddamn stereo. So yeah, the hell with him. I'd take Black Guy's shitty R+B blaring into the hallway any day over White Guy's general spastic stupidity.

Updates as they're merited. Dramawhore am I.

ATTENTION, GOOD, RESPONSIBLE, GOD-FEARING CHRISTIAN PARENTS!!!

As we all know, children are convinced by television and video games to go totally queer-mo. Gayosity is an acquired trait, forced upon sexless, gender-neutral children by swear words and The Lie-beral Agenda.

REMAIN VIGILANT! The HOMOSEXUALISTS will not be easily dissuaded from creeping into your innocent child's bedroom in the dead of night and coughing QUEER GERMS all over him! THEY MAY HAVE INFECTED HIM ALREADY!

Fortunately, Focus on the Family has compiled a helpful list of warning signs to determine your child's level of exposure to gayedness. EDUCATE YOURSELF! Enact preventative measures! And if the queerdom persists, REEDUCATE. We here at Focus on the Family recommend Exodus International, the largest, most successful homosexual rehabilitation organization founded by two guys who have since renounced it and moved in together in operation today!

And once you've sufficiently slapped heterosexuality into your child, make sure to do your part to stop the homosexual campaign against children.

(Cuz, y'know, gays aren't pedophiles. We aren't saying that. Except... dude, they so totally are. I swear.)

Coming soon: how to tell if your daughter is becoming a LESBIAN. Currently relegated to the back burner, though, because foxy lesbians making out is, like, so hot. But dudes fucking, man... that's just gross. >:(

Imagine living in a city so utterly and completely contaminated by radiation that you only have a 15-20% chance of having a normal baby. And even if your kid beats the odds and is born normal, they have hundreds of times the likelihood of kids anywhere else of developing cancer. Early. Real early.

Oh, and by the way, there's nowhere else to go. 99% of your country is contaminated. If you're lucky, your town is only 40 times over the recognized danger level. A few places are worse. A few places, it's actually illegal to have kids.

I bet HBO would make a documentary about a place like that. And maybe someone else would upload it somewhere for you to watch online, just to ruin your morning.

Welcome to Belarus. Don't eat the mushrooms.

Remember Black Guy and White Guy, the couple across the hall who called the cops on each other a few months back?

They're at it again. You can hear the screaming in the hallway.

Black Guy is TIRED of White Guy threatening him, and HE'S GOING TO BED, dammit.

God, it would be so awesome if they killed each other.