Seriously.
Feeling pretty crappy, guys. I don't think I'll be updating this week.
New comic Monday.
Recently in Brain Farts Category
Hey again, guys! Due to multiple requests, I've made another adjustment to the pre-order options: Sizes for the Phineas Rage shirt are now available up to 4XL! But this is not without a caveat or two, so watch out:
- I am going to try my hardest to find these larger sizes through American Apparel, which is generally agreed upon to be the least-dickfaced t-shirt manufacturer currently in business. However, I've been to their official site, and I don't see sizes larger than 3XL. I might not have a choice about the 4XLs other than Hanes, or some other company you might object to.
- These larger sizes will only be available during the pre-order phase! So, if you wear a size larger than 2XL, this will be your only chance to score a Phineas Rage shirt! For the love of all that is good and right, ORDER WHILE YOU CAN!
If you have any other requests or suggestions, please, keep 'em coming! I like to do what I can to encourage you to give me money.
Ahem.
More comics Monday!
By popular demand, I've added a shirt/new book/sketch package to the pre-order project. this is ideal for everyone who already has book one, and wants all the swag in the dee-luxe package without getting saddled with an extra book! So hey, why not order?
And now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some commissions left t'do...
"Kinetic Typography." Or, recreating memorable scenes from movies and TV with just text.
I think I saw Patient Zero early last year, but I wasn't aware it was a thing. Has this been going on for a while? Not bad!
Y'could even maybe argue some are better than the original scenes they borrowed their audio from.
Someone ought to start a school for women in a major metropolis, geared towards training them how to mingle in celebrity circles with the ultimate goal of becoming arm candy/a financial burden to a powerful man.
I'm serious. The thing is so many chicks want this (and only this) out of life anyway, it would probably be a profitable scheme.
The school's fields of study could be divided into subsets about how to land a specific type of walking wallet... rock star, foreign royalty, film star, investment banker, and so on... with short, one-day classes about the advantages and pitfalls of each.
Basic classes would be stuff like
Stealing Him From His Wife
If All Else Fails, Get Knocked Up for the Child Support
So the Media's Noticed: Capitalizing on Unexpected Temporary Fame
"I'm on the list!": Getting Where the Boys Are
Marriages or Mistress: Which is Right for your Relationship?
Fat White Envelopes: What to do with The Cash He's Giving You
Pouting, Crying and Mom's Operation: Getting Him to Write Those Checks
A Pre-Nup Means You Don't Love Me!
10 Things Women Do Than Screw Up Great Catches
And so on. The approach would be mercenary, Machiavellian and direct. It wouldn't be about love, it would be about a life plan that centered around squeezing as much money out of wealthy men as possible before the age of 35, with the assumption he'll lose interest after the first wrinkles.
Hm. Maybe this would make a better forgettable Hollywood movie than an actual school.
Comics tomorrow.
Concept!
Right now, today, as you're reading this, there are tribes deep in the Amazonian rainforest who have no contact with the outside world. This is absolutely and one hundred percent true. These tribes manage this by killing anyone unfamiliar they happen to come across.
I AM NOT A DEMON is about what would happen if you, the hapless adventurer, stumbled unwittingly into one of their camps and were instantly taken prisoner.
The only reason you have not been killed immediately is, by some spectacular stroke of luck, you are completely fluent in this tribe's obscure dialect. Unfortunately, due to a combination of stupidity, nervousness, and unthinking fear, you keep peppering your speech with strange English words from the civilized world. The tribe is assuming these words to be curses or witchcraft, and the urge to spear you to death spikes with each mention of an unfamiliar concept or object, like television, the International Space Station, or Britney Spears.
In the game, the other players provide the current target with a word he or she must explain to the tribe in order to avoid being murdered. They have one minute to give a satisfactory explanation, unless they're being really funny or awesome, in which case it's okay to run a little long. The other players then vote on the answer provided. A simple majority decides whether the player is allowed to live or has been killed for his or her stupidity, in which case that player is "out." Players that have been "killed" then become full-time 'tribespeople," and are restricted to voting on answers from then on.
Rules!
The Amazonian tribe is at a stone age tech level, and so is their language. They have no knowledge of (or words for) things like plastic, steel, internal combustion engine, radiation, December, power outlet, etc., and any attempt to explain one witchcraft word using other witchcraft words should be immediately punished with death.
The player has nothing to assist them with their explanations. Your laptop, iPod, cell phone, and whatever else were instantly smashed the moment you were captured. You're not allowed to call a friend, consult Wikipedia, or attempt to distract the natives with a flashlight or lighter. That is exactly the kind of thing that will get you killed.
The players cannot say "I don't know" or "It's magic" as part of any explanation. If you tell them you don't know what a word you just used is, they'll assume you're lying and they will kill you. And they already think the word you just used is magic. That's why they want to stab you, remember?
Players take turns, once each round. The word chosen for each player is the first word called out by another player. The clock starts immediately. This leaves plenty of room to be an asshole... Asking your friends to define "cytoplasm" or "Rosh Hashanah" when you know they don't know, for example... but if you want to take the game from Fun Territory to Asshole Territory, that's your call.
There are two ways to play: Mandatory Elimination, where the player with the least satisfactory explanation is executed every round, and Long Haul, where eliminations are not mandatory. The former might be best for parties. The latter would probably be really good for car trips or waiting in airports. I dunno, this hasn't been playtested. Not really, anyway.
Still a little confused?
Examples!
Television: "A television is a shining light in a big shell. The light tells stories with sounds and pictures. Some of stories are made-up, and some are true. Some are stories it's told before, and some are new stories. The television tells stories all day and all night, it never stops. If you wake up in the middle of the night and go to the television, it will even tell you a story then. It doesn't sleep. Where I am from, almost everybody has a television."
The International Space Station: "This is a place where very smart people live. It's higher than the trees, higher than the clouds, and higher than the sky. It floats over everything like a cloud, in a place where you can always see stars. All the tribes far away from here built it together."
Britney Spears: "Britney is a woman who sings, but then went crazy. That was probably because people were always watching her, and telling her she was fat. She shaved her head and accidentally showed everyone her vagina, and then no one wanted to hear her sing anymore, they just wanted to watch her and hope she did more stupid things. And she did. She married a worthless man, and had babies she can't take care of. Every time she does a stupid thing, everyone forgets everything else and talks about what she did. We shouldn't, but we do."
...
Yeah, this is how I spend my evenings. Thinking this nonsense up.
Seriously, someone play this and tell me how it goes.
An explanation of what I've been doing for the last two weeks, a new page of Templar, and some actual news tomorrow. G'nite!
I've said this before, but I've gotten new readers since then, I'm sure, so I'll reiterate:
Never assume Templar will be worksafe.
The page coming up Friday, which I will not be here to update the blog and announce, is a perfect example.
If you read this comic at work, I suggest you check my blog, via RSS feed or the ironcircus.com homepage, to see what I have to say about the newest page before clicking over. (If you're on Livejournal at work, subscribe to the blog feed instead of the comic one.) I usually mention if the new page features anything squirrelly.
The majority of Templar will have nothing worse than Reagan being fearsomely potty-mouthed. A page here or there will have a joke or visual of questionable taste. (Cock of Science, etc.)
A rare handful, all of which are in the future (arguably starting Friday), might get you in trouble.
I'm not trying to be titillating. Really. I just don't want any pissed off emails about what your boss saw, okay?
Cool.
Going to Columbus. brb.
Merry Christmas, all you happy people.
I'm doing some housekeeping, today. I added a load of fantastic fan art, some of which has been in the hopper for ages... Sorry about the wait, guys.... And answered a few questions in the FAQ thread in my forum. Now I'm off to add all you people asking around after me on MySpace, and work on that gift comic I promised you for winning me Webcomic Idol. (No, I haven't forgotten!)
I hope everyone got exactly what they wanted this year. I did!
Or at least, on my way.
But I'm not. Because the crew of United Airlines flight 635, nonstop from Chicago to San Diego, didn't show up for work this morning. Who knows why.
Stay classy, world.
I could have stayed at the airport, crossed my fingers, and hoped to get bumped onto the 9:30 flight. But since the entire flight I was on would have been there hoping for the same thing right along with me, and it would've required me to check my luggage ahead to San Diego whether or not I was there to meet it, I passed. So I'm booked for the 8:00 flight tomorrow morning.
I canceled one day off of my hotel stay and another off of the dog sitter (SHUT UP HE'S DELICATE), so I guess in the end, I'm saving a few bucks. Hooray?
Jeez, I'm glad I didn't commit to doing anything or being anywhere for Preview Night, this year. And I'm REALLY glad I didn't shell out for a table. because if I had, I'd be single-handedly redefining COMPLETELY FUCKING UNREASONABLE right now. I do this really attractive and endearing Hurricane Kali thing sometimes, maybe I'll tape it for you guys one day so everyone can hate me.
So anyway, yeah. See you guys Thursday, hopefully. I'll try to make the most of the delay, maybe mail out summore book orders or sumthin'.
Hi, guys.
Call me nosy, but I'm feeling all social and stuff. I know some of the people who post in this blog already, but not all of them.
Tell me about yourselves! Even if you usually only lurk. I'm curious.
