Meandering Diatribes: July 2004 Archives

Yeah, yeah, it just keeps going.

-- Holy Mother of Christ does the movie adaptation of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events looks absolutely unforgiveable. I listen to audiobooks while I draw, and this book got a turn a few months ago. Despite being "young adult fiction," it was pretty entertaining, if only because of how gleefully and unapologetically dire everything was. Looks like it's been transformed into some lame Jim Carrey vehicle, on account the trailer's about 98% Jim Carrey doing the only bits Jim Carrey knows how to do. Namely, flailing around like a pants-fouling spastic and making dinosaur noises. Jesus, I won't even BitTorrent this one, I'd probably still want my money back.

-- Dear webcomic authors: Ease up on the smirking soapbox characters. Please. As a personal favor to me.

In case you were never informed, it's not fun to read comics where the obvious self-insertion character is never wrong, always has the perfect devastating comeback for any reproach, and functions as a font of irrefutable knowledge for the rest of the cast, who spend most of the strip lamenting the error of their ways once bathed in the light of The Smirker's golden, immaculate wisdom. Ayn Rand couldn't get away with that shit, and neither can you.

I understand the temptation. Really, I do. And it probably doesn't hurt to haul out the bullhorn every now and then, just for variety. But it's more important to remember that you're probably writing your comic for other people as much as you're writing it for yourself, and the less your audience rolls its eyes and groans, the better. Then again, being pat and predictable might give you a better chance at making it into the newspaper funnies, so what the hell do I know.

-- Horseflesh, beer, and seawater-flavored ice cream. Oh those wacky Japanese-ers. Whatever, s'gotta be better than those buttered popcorn jellybeans. OH HEY WOW MY FAVORITE FLAVOR MOUTHFUL OF GASOLINE.

-- Also, via Eric Millikin, Dubya flipping off protestors. AHAHAHA. Looks like Baby Bush is starting to crack under the pressure! Vote Kerry, folks. It'll be worth it just to watch this warmonger's accelerating mental collapse.

It's been a while, and I've been meaning to write. Honest. But I can't seem to find the time, for reasons totally beyond me. So, I'll be compressing everything I've been wanting to say for a while into one post. Economical, huh? Ready set go.

-- If you've emailed me and I haven't replied, please be patient. My backlog of emails to answer grows daily, but I do intend to answer them all.

-- The mummification of Beavis the rat will be finished this week, cross my heart and hope to die. He's hard as plywood now, I've been checking. Neil, however, died a few days ago. It wasn't unexpected; the vet had mentioned he was in heart failure at the last visit. Matt and I didn't have time, supplies, or room to attempt two mummificiations at once, so we snuck out in the dead of night to the parkland by the lake and buried the little guy under a tree. Poor Neil. He nibbles yogurt treats with the angels, now.

-- If I knew you in high school and we weren't friends then, stop emailing me. Seriously. You are a stranger. Go join Classmates.com or something, talk to someone who gives a shit.

-- If you're not watching Rock and Roll Confidential TV, Penn & Teller: Bullshit!, or Paranoia Agent, that needs to change.

-- Matt and I just had our six-month anniversary, not that we noticed. My mother-in-law had to remind us, because we've both got mushy brains. Go us. We celebrated by doing nothing at all.

-- I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 a few hours after I watched Chicago's annual gay pride parade a couple of weeks ago, and thus had a weekend so liberal that several trailer park tenants in Augusta, Georgia probably bolted awake screaming without knowing exactly why. If you've never seen either, I recommend them both. I just wish Matt hadn't forgotten his camera. The leatherdaddy in Roman Centurion gear was awesome.

-- I also went to a little reading down at Quimby's, and I got to hear Dave Awl read a hilarious story entitled Love the Shirt. If you have taste, you've probably heard Dave on This American Life's "Sissies" episode, or seen him performing in Chicago with The Pansy Kings. Funny, funny guy.

-- Also finally got back to Mitsuwa, the gigantic Japanese mall on the outskirts of the city, with Dirk & Company. Bought kamaboko, kirimochi, clam jerky, gyoza, and curry-flavored Pretz, marveled at some kid who was absurdly good at DDR, and senselessly criticized a million rows of manga. Still, the last time I was in a big chain bookstore, Dirk, Matt and I found it very, very amusing that most of the aisles were abandoned, except for five kids squatting on the floor in the manga section, engrossed. Sign of the times. Marvel and DC should be very, very nervous right now.

-- Register to vote, you apathetic bastards.

That ought to do it. As always, more later.